January 2, 2013 by fifi + hop
I’m writing this around 4:00 p.m. on a particularly serene, cloudless afternoon overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. The sun is going to set in an hour and a half and I’m about to have a cocktail in tow. I love this time of day. I love it down here..I’ve been coming since I was a little girl. I love that in this part of FL you get both the Caribbean blue-green water and the breathtaking sunsets. Watching my girls in the glow of the afternoon sun, experiencing the pure joy all kids do, I know they’ve come to love it as much as I do. A lot of my family is here right now, with the girls to play with their cousins, and us “grown ups” to banter and chuckle as we always do, and I feel good. Really good.
I can’t say I felt this even a week and a half ago. I had been in a rut that I couldn’t get out of. Some personal stuff, but mainly a lot of terrible things happened this fall to a lot of people, and with Newtown coming off the tails of Sandy I just couldn’t – still can’t – process it all. Initially I was going to write something about Sandy Hook, but when the time came I couldn’t. There is something about the unfathomable becoming reality that is just so paralyzing. The sorrow for all those families, and the heaviness of it all, took over and overwhelmed me in a way I had never felt.
This is supposed to be a post about the new year, and new beginnings. I think many of us were waiting for 2013 with open arms. I know I was. In light of this, I do want to mention one thing about that tragic day at Sandy Hook: Newtown, I hope this new year brings you new hope, courage, and most of all healing. May all those precious faces that we’ve come to recognize so well be looking down on you forever peacefully.
I got out of my rut right around Christmas. It’s always been my favorite holiday, and in the end it still was for 2012. With the snow falling on Christmas Eve, and all the kids running around outside at my parents annual party in CT, their Christmas outfits turning to white, champagne flowing inside, it really sort of did feel magical. My brother and his wife even had their first baby on this Christmas. Sappy as it may sound, I think I started feeling better because, during a time that’s been so difficult for so many others, I realized how lucky and fortunate I am, to have the girls and family and friends I have in my life. And now here I am sitting in front of the glistening water and sand in one of my favorite places, taking it all in, and it’s a new year. A new year symbolizes so much – change, new beginnings, growth.
I feel the optimism starting to brew again. 2012 was a big year for me and my family. Moving out to the burbs (because you know I always have to tie it back in with our blog) proved to be more difficult than I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I know in my gut we made the right decision to move out of the city, but I think I thought by moving, all our problems – or difficulties – would be instantaneously solved. The fact of the matter is new challenges come up, and there’s always things about BK I will forever miss. And the reality is (or our reality is) we still have a long way to go. It’s hard to say if Larchmont will in the end be the place for us. It may, it may not. And not having that certainty is a bit nerve wracking, and more so kind of exhausting. But so much can happen in a year, and so much head-way can be made, that I realize I have to stay optimistic and let it run its course.
I’m so glad it’s 2013, to start fresh, positive and ready.
To all our readers, thank you so much for all your support. And, thanks for taking the time to read some of my particularly long posts, such as this. Sometimes I just can’t help myself.